How to know if the other one has Aids?
I
have been a widower for 2 years now, and the loneliness is starting to get to
me. At 43, I should be able to start a new life with a new companion, but
I am afraid of Aids. How can I tell if a woman I would like to go out with
has Aids or not?
The only reliable way of knowing whether anyone, ourselves included, has Aids is to have screening tests done, preferably as a couple. As well, it is also recommended to wait at least three to six months after the beginning of a new relationship before having these tests done because it takes this long for the Aids virus to become detectable, through screening tests, in a person who has come into contact with it. Obviously, it is imperative that the two partners have no unprotected sex with any other people during this three to six month waiting period before having the tests done. As well, it is necessary in the meantime to use condoms during sex between the two partners, especially when it comes to penetration.
It is also important to realize that tests for sexually-transmitted diseases (STD) are the only reliable way of knowing if an individual is a carrier of a STD or not because, very often, the person will appear to be in good health and will not even know that s/he is carrier of Aids or any other STD. It is not therefore useful just to inspect your partner's body to make sure he or she is disease-free. To simply ask the question offers no guarantee either, as your partner may not even know or may not want to tell you even if he or she loves you (for fear of losing you, for example).
The reason for recommending to have the tests done as a couple even though each of the partners does not appear to be a carrier of Aids or any other STD because he or she has not had previous risky sexual relations, is based on the fact that you did not know each other before hand and cannot tell whether the other person is telling the truth about previous risky sexual relations with others. Going for the tests as a couple will reassure each of the partners of the other's good will, as well as allow them to start a new sexual relationship together fully aware of any STDs that could have been contracted previously, even if unknowingly.
Maybe will you think that if you wait that long, the test is no longer necessary because you now know each other, love each other, and can now trust one another. Unfortunately, you must remember that STDs and Aids are often invisible and that an individual may be a carrier without being aware of it. Neither moral qualities, nor love, nor hygiene can protect us against these diseases.
When you find yourself in a relationship with a new partner, you must exercise great patience, gradually get to know her, use a condom if you decide to have sexual intercourse together in the first months, go for tests together, and wait for these test results before deciding to stop using a condom. By taking all these precautions you will have done everything necessary to protect yourself against Aids.