Premature
ejaculation
It is not easy to define premature ejaculation since there are many factors involved and what seems to be premature ejaculation for one man won't not be necessarily so in another.
Generally
speaking, we can define premature ejaculation as an ejaculation which tends to
occur as soon as the man receives a minimum amount of sexual stimulation, that
is to say, before, during, or just after the beginning of penetration.
Furthermore, in order for ejaculation to be considered premature, it must occur
before the man wants the ejaculation to happen. Some Clinical Sexologists will
also take into account the wishes of the partner about the moment she would like
the ejaculation to happen, before determining whether it is premature or not.
Another
factor to bear in mind is the realism of the expectations relative to the length of
time of stimulation prior to ejaculation. Some men believe that their
partner would enjoy greater pleasure if the penetration were to last at least an
hour, and think themselves to be premature ejaculators if they ejaculate after
‘’only’’ fifteen minutes of penetration. And yet, this fifteen
minutes of penetration is quite adequate in itself for a good number of women.
In reality, very few women would want penetration to last an hour.
In
fact, even though premature ejaculation is often judged in the context of the
length of time of sexual activity (and mainly of the penetration), the most
important factor is the man’s ability to control the moment of ejaculation. In
cases of premature ejaculation, it occurs when it occurs, and more often than
not, it happens very quickly.
Premature
ejaculation appears to be caused by inadequate learning of the sexual response
and it is also linked to sexual anxieties. It is important to note that
there is practically no physiological reason for premature ejaculation.
It
is thus futile to ask one’s doctor for treatment since there’s not much that
he or she can do for you. However,
since anti-depressants have a side-effect effect of considerably prolonging the
period of stimulation before ejaculation can happen, some doctors do prescribe
these medications, hoping that this will be
enough to allow the patient to develop greater self-confidence and to give him a
chance to change. When the problem established itself after a period of normal
functioning, this solution can bring good results. However, this solution,
on its own, does not allow a man to acquire the ability to control ejaculation. In
this case, the problem will recur as soon as the patient stops using the anti-depressants.
A
sexology approach that is very efficient with this problem is an approach
developed by Jean-Yves Desjardins and which is called ‘’approche
sexocorporelle’’. This approach works on helping the man to become aware of
his body movements, muscle tensions and breathing patterns so that he becomes
able to modify them in order to modulate his excitation and becomes able to reach
orgasm and ejaculation when he wishes so, rather than when he becomes ‘’too
excited’’. This approach has the merit to encourage the man to experience
sexual pleasure, differently to the behavioral approach where the solution presented
is to diminish the sexual excitation by diminishing the sexual stimulation and
the sexual pleasure.
Most
often, the best solution will be to consult a sex therapist who can guide the
man though gaining ejaculation control either by the use of exercises and/or by
helping him to recognize the anxieties that are behind his premature ejaculation
problem.